Architecture of Meaning
Cultivating Meaningful Engagement for Highly Gifted Adults and Highly Sensitive People

Agents of Evolution

The Challenge of Personal Evolution While in Relationship

Friday, August 14th, 2009

Evolving while in relationship can present unique challenges. Personal transformation can arise out of a midlife crisis, an accident or illness or it can be a natural unfolding. Whatever way it arrives, the process that is transformation can up-end all habits, intentions and ways of relating to others.

It is unlikely that one’s partner will be facing the same challenges, issues and crises at the same time you are. In fact, it is often fortunate that two people are not traversing disorienting and treacherous terrain at the same time.

If you are in a dysfunctional relationship, you end up struggling more and more to maintain dynamics that the transforming self is called to surrender. If you are in a healthy relationship, the ability to have:

  • clear boundaries
  • a vocabulary to share your experiences
  • tools to help you both navigate disruptions to familiar ways of relating
  • outside support to help you both through this time

can be hugely valuable.

Transformation, by its very nature, promises nothing and holds out no picture of the end result. It is challenging enough for an individual to live through the shedding, disorientation and reorganization that evolution requires. To do that while meeting familial expecations and maintaining intimate connection is intensely demanding and complicated.

When one has a partner and/or family who depend upon certain ways of interacting -the call to evolve requires that one receive extra support, and provide extra compassion and respect for the the nonnegotiable process happening from within.

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